Defining the Relationship

Many Christian couples come to the point where they must Define their Relationship. This awkward yet pivital conversation either pushes them apart or allows their relationship to develop into something greater. This course is designed to help couples examine the exciting yet unknown path they will travel together and help them carefully consider the strength of their relationship.

In this series Danny's comedic style of teaching will inspire, challenge and bring couples into a serious reality check about their decision toward marriage. The goal of this series is to impart COURAGE - courage to either push through the rugged realities of a loving relationship or the courage to walk away. Whether you are single, dating or already engaged, this course will present you with an experienced perspective on how to love on purpose. Couples who have been married for many years have also found this material to be very helpful.

Skyler and Kim (Walker) Smith have recently been added to this series. They have a fun, yet practical approach to Danny's teachings. You will enjoy watching and learning from their young, powerful relationship!

Session Titles & Descriptions

Session 1: Series Introduction

This session outlines the goals, intentions, and different sessions of the course. Introducing control as a deadly element to relationships, Danny reminds us that, “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (II Cor. 3:17). One of the experiences of love is that you are free to be you around me. The goal for a mature, loving relationship is that we begin to manage ourselves in our freedoms in order to protect our love. Each couple will need great courage to take an honest look at their relationship, to look past the “La la la” factor, and discover the incredible and constant connection that is intended for marriage. Can your relationship pass the test?

Session 2: Powerful People, Powerful Decisions

The very essence of love is this: “I choose you!” We didn’t choose Jesus; He chose us. We were created to be powerful decision makers in our relationships. Danny discusses the differences between powerful and powerless people, showing that only I can manage my life, and only you can manage yours. Powerful people not only take responsibility for today, but also for tomorrow, while powerless people are victims who give other people the credit for being powerful rather than themselves. What are you building in your life, and what is your significant other building? Do you see yourself as powerful or powerless?

Session 3: Living on Purpose

“A man without a vision is a man without a future, and a man without a future will always return to his past.” Couples need to be searching for or working out a clear destination, both individually and together. This session includes actively developing a mission statement. Why do you get out of bed in the morning? Where is the compass of your life pointing? Taking an honest look at the two different mission statements, may create tension and anxiety in relationships. If couples continue on toward marriage, they have to be willing to take on the responsibility of the other person, whether good or bad. Can these tensions be negotiated beforehand?

Session 4: 7 Pillars of Healthy Relationships

Marriage is held together by the strength of its internal structure. Danny identifies seven different pillars for developing healthy relationships. They include Love, Honor, Self-Control, Responsibility, Truth, Faith, and Vision, all of which rest on a foundation of Unconditional Acceptance. If you can build a strong internal structure for your relationships with these pillars and protect that structure with healthy boundaries, you will have relationships that last a lifetime and beyond.

Session 5: Love Languages

Based on Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, Danny discusses the different ways that we experience love. They include: Gifts, Touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, and Quality Time. As we learn to serve our significant others by speaking their love language, we will see the strength of our relationship increase every day. The greatest thing we can do as a believer is to LOVE, and love chases away fear in relationships. Can

we effectively communicate to our partner the message, “I love you very much”?

Session 6: Your “Normal”

Your DNA and the environment you grew up in will powerfully affect the way you live your life. This family template we refer to as “your normal.” However strong these dynamics may have been, they are merely influencers, not determiners. It can be a challenge to create something from what you’ve never seen before, but the New Testament promises that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We no longer have to be stuck in the template we were handed. What do you want your family to look like?

Session 7: Communication Dance

Communication can either build or destroy a relationship. Oftentimes, it is believed that communication is about convincing you to agree with me, but if that is my goal, then I am allowing only one person’s views into the conversation. There is more than one way to see everything. That is why the goal of communication is to UNDERSTAND. Ultimately, we are building a loving, intimate connection, where we accept each other as we are. This is what we were created for! Passive, Aggressive, Passive Aggressive, and Assertive Communication styles will all be discussed, as well as how to effectively use “I” Messages.

Session 8: Conflict Management

Managing conflict effectively requires that you have a plan. It is paramount that there is both a speaker and a listener involved in the process so that the communication is beneficial. Because unresolved need is one of the greatest issues in relational conflict, communicating your needs to your significant other and knowing their needs is essential. When we don’t bring our love to a conflict, the worst part of us is on display. The goal is to drop the anxiety and discover each person’s needs. Is protecting your connection the goal?

Session 9: 90/10 Factor

The goal of relationship is intimacy experienced through connection; this is rooted in truth and trust. Intimacy says, “You can be you around me. I want to know you. I value you.” If intimacy is not the goal, then our experience together will fall short of what was intended for relationships. In this pursuit of connection, couples will find that men and women are comprised of very different needs and motivators. Men are, generally speaking, 90% sexually motivated and 10% emotionally motivated. Women are usually 90% emotionally motivated and 10% sexually motivated. In order to build connection with your significant other, you have to understand and value their needs.